Sobriety

I recently celebrated 2 years without a drop of alcohol, which, sometimes I can’t believe. What an achievement and I am very proud of myself for this but the reason I want to talk about sobriety is not to gloat but to perhaps help someone else who may be feeling in a dark place in their mind. 

Living a sober life has not been an easy one and still, I can face many challenges but my worst day in sobriety will never be as bad as my worst days in that darkness. I must also highlight the fact that it does not matter if you don’t think you have a ‘problem’ because alcohol and drugs are not your ‘problem’ these are merely just a solution to your problem. The ‘problem’ lies deep within us and even if you do not suffer from the disease of addiction, but you are suffering with mental health, alcohol and drugs will alter your mind and make the darkness seem so much worse. 

Two weeks before my son took his life, he sent me a text message which said – 

“and genuinely if I could flip a switch to just end everything, I would because I cba with life but only thing that keeps me holding on is you Oscar and Bailey because I would never want to put you through that pain and I also don’t have the balls to do it but I could never leave that pain with you so this is why I’ve came to you Mum, I love you so much” 

Even having to write this again triggers me but the whole point of this is to highlight the fact that my son said he wasn’t brave enough to end his life, but he got drunk 2 weeks after this and done it anyway. Alcohol altered my son’s mind and I truly believe if he had been sober, he would not have made a decision that took his life and altered so many others. So, please, do not let your mind trick you, do not believe the lies that enter your mind, and please give yourself a break from alcohol and/or drugs until you get some help and support. 

Living a life free of mind- and mood-altering substances is the kindest thing I have ever done for myself. I don’t claim that my life is perfect or that this journey has been easy because it was and is not. I had to change everything, and I had to put my life on hold, but I promise you, it gets easier and the freedom that comes with it is priceless! I no longer live in the dark thoughts that took over my life. I have suffered the greatest loss, and I did not need to pick up a drink to cope, and let’s face it, what justice would I be doing my son if I started drinking again?  

‘Through great pain, comes great strength, don’t give up!’ 

I am here and I am free, let me help! 

Debbieanne, proud Mum of Jamie, Bailey, and Oscar.